The last few weeks have been a mental battle between comfort and self-actualization. I was ready to pack up my things and admit defeat because I wasn’t sure that staying in Japan was worth the effort. I am not a passive person, but if I am to fight to get something I have to be sure it’s worth having and this usually takes me a long time. I can’t ever seem to make up my mind. I spend countless hours deliberating on whether I should go out or not or what to write on a piece of paper, so deciding whether I wanted to stay here was a real battle.
Then I sat down with a student names Yukiko, an older woman with a glorious smile and crow’s feet from her years of beaming smiles. She has been a traveler for many years and has been all over the world, including Turkey. Sharing our experiences back and forth made me realize just how important this time is to me. I want to be here! I want to experience Japan and explore the rest of Asia while I am young. I refuse to quit now that I am on the threshold of such a goal- not when the only thing holding me back is a small wall. Someone once said that the wall does not stop you- it stops all the others who don’t want it as much as you do.
I have always been taught not to be a quitter, but I don’t think I understood that you have to want what you are fighting for and then the battle becomes glorious. Strife breeds character and pride. Difficulty yields wisdom and strength. Things usually come really easily for me and I shrink away at the first sign of difficulty. I fuss and fume and get upset that things aren’t going my way, and I often cut ties to those things and run away. I have realized this in myself this year, and with that in mind I have carefully weighed why I am here and decided that this experience is worth fighting for.
Posts
1 comment:
When I first started to read your blog, I was drawn to the photo of you and Robert and read your bio, seeing that you are 25 years old. I thought, "Is she really 25 years already?". Then I read of your thoughts while deciding whether to stay or leave Japan and I thought, "Is she really just 25 years old?". Your insight into your own self actualization is beyond your years, Emily. I am sure largely because you have experienced much for your 25 years in the way of setting and meeting goals and world traveling, but you also have an inner maturity and awareness that is going to take you a long way toward achieving your life's goals...farther than most. You have a great life ahead of you and you are not willing to settle for just a part of it; you want it all. I applaud you for your perserverence. You will reap a fine reward, not only of cultural depth, but of depth in your character. If I can be just a little impotus of the one who taught you the lesson of perservernce, I am honored to be your Mother.
Post a Comment