sigh of relief, skytinis and long live the king...the beginning of thailand

i was a wreck when i left japan. it's embarrassing to admit it, but i reached my threshold of tolerance and i completely lost it. christina had to pour me into a taxi and take me to the train station and then to the airport. when i finally arrived in bangkok, hired my taxi to take me to the guesthouse, and saw my friend jenny waiting for me wearing that sweet blue dress and a smile, i cried and cried. i feel like japan was an abusive boyfriend that i tolerated and worked with despite the underlying knowledge that it would never suit me. i have never fought so hard to keep my head up but now that i'm gone, i somehow miss it. now that i'm in thailand, i find myself excited when i hear japanese or see that familiar writing.

thailand

bangkok

this city is teeming with life, like a continuous street fair. the thais have food vendors lining the streets, and in every open space there is a gold framed photo of his majesty the king (or his wife). there are street vendors on every corner and rickshaws have been replaced by little tripod motorcycles called tuk tuks which buzz through the streets of bangkok, leaving a trail of black smoke behind them. thai massages, lady boys, outdoor markets and hipped out tourists compose the streets of the city and it is charming. when you walk by, the thai people greet you with a toothy smile and a nod. they are very friendly- often offering advice about sites and holidays (though it's sometimes a scam)- which is such a nice change. i was fortunate to visit bangkok on a buddhist holiday, so i was able to see the ceremony at the golden mount and at the wats (buddhist temples) around town- witnessing the monks in their bring orange robes chanting and praying beneath enormous golden buddhas, the lines of people carrying lotus blossoms folded upward to release the fragrance, and the buckets of goods that people donate to the monks. thai temples are lavishly decorated with bright gold and jeweled figures. i was struck by the similarity to thai artwork and hindu artwork- it seems that the history of these two cultures are tied together, which i didn't know before. after seeing the grand palace and all its splendor, monika, jenny and i went to sky bar for drinks. we overlooked the Chao Phraya river and drank martinis amid the sparkling lights of bangkok. when we left the hotel in search of lady boys in the red light district, i was struck by the poverty that is mixed right in with the wealth of the city. on the same street as bangkok's most posh bar are homeless sleeping on the streets next to stray dogs.

chiang mai

we were all excited to leave bangkok for a smaller and hopefully less chaotic city, so we headed to the trade city of chiang mai in northern thailand via slow sleeper train. it was an adventure: our toilets opened up to the tracks and the steward wanted to drink with us, but it was really exciting and comfortable for the most part. since our arrival, we have explored many more wats and temples, though the ones in chiang mai have exposed brick and broken down statues, which make them seem more authentic and traditional. yesterday, we took a car to Doi Suthep national park, which contains one of thailand's most famous wats: wat doi suthep. we climbed 306 stairs, the handrails of which were two giant serpants fanning down from the temple. right inside the temple, 6 young girls were performing a traditional siamese dance, accompanied by children playing bright, whiny thai instruments. we covered ourselves and went into the wat. at one point, a monk threw water on us with a cluster of reeds and prayed over the people in his presence. you aren't supposed to stand higher than a monk or the statue of the buddha, which makes entering and exiting temples quite interesting: you see thais shuffle and scoot along the floor with lowered eyes and hands placed together in prayer.

after the temple and checking out the local shops (and the elephant chained up behind the shops) we left the temple compound and wandered into the national park, which was completely deserted. we found a footpath and decided to do some outdoor trekking through the jungle. we climbed banon trees, videod a marching assembly of ants and met russians in the forest who gave us hats they had made from banana leaves. as we continued, we found a waterfall and sat beside it just listening to the sound of the water pounding the rocks. i finally felt tranquil and happy. i looked around at the jungle around me, listened to the birds caw and watched my friends, equally moved and speechless. our journey finished with a bamboo forest and another set of waterfalls which were too cold to swim in.

that evening we went shopping through the streets of chiang mai for its legendary sunday night bazaar. i have never seen such a huge outdoor market, selling everything from thai silver to rip off threadless t shirts. even though everything shut down at 11, it still wasn't enough time for me to see everything they had to sell and showcase.

thaton

tomorrow morning, we are leaving chiang mai for a remote town in the golden triangle: the area where thailand, laos and burma touch. apparently you can explore some of the smaller villages which are off the beaten path. our plan is to spend a few days there and then hop on the Ping river to float to the city of chiang rai where we will get a bus to cross the border into laos. from there its time for the gibbons experience!

Photo Album

For all of you who made my life here a joy
To those who held me up and made me laugh
Remembering the music and the adventure

JE Question 9

"So what do you want to do in the future?"

This is one of 10 questions in a set which I have been asking all day. One of my side jobs here in Japan is conducting end of the year interviews for kids who are learning to speak English. There are about 8 levels for kids from age three to fourteen. This means that I am asking the same 80 questions over and over from 9 to 5, trying to look interested and supportive so the kids don't get nervous. At about 3, lunch is over and I still have 2 more hours of this. I have heard every possible answer possible. Despite the levels, I have memorized all 80 questions and asking 1,350 questions is starting to wear my voice to a scratching post. That's when Akari walks in. She is a junior high school student who actually looks like she's breaking the mold. She's not wearing the usual marching band uniform that makes young girls look dumpy and ill-kept. She is also not wearing one of the slutty varieties of the junior high girl uniform, where the leg warmers draw your eye up to the sliver of skirt that barely comes underneath the sweater. She is not caked in makeup, but she's not awkward or insecure. She stands in her sweatshirt with her hot pink clip pulling her hair neatly from her eyes. She waits for me to invite her to sit and she says thank you.

"Please introduce yourself"
"My name is Akari Suzuki. I am fourteen years old. I live in Yokkaichi. I go to Yokkaichi Junior High School." She pauses and looks to the ceiling, then exhales and looks back at me. "I like swimming and listening to music. I don't like math and umeboshi. Thank you"
Well we can agree on that. The fermented plum, umeboshi, is not the treat it's commonly said to be. Even if you drown it in sho-chu, it's still a bitter, salty fruit that spoils your cocktail.
"Me neither." I smile. She relaxes and she smiles too.

The questions continue. She has 4 people in her family. She likes natto. Nothing really different, but then we come to question 9: What do you want to do in the future.
"I want to be a bride."

I feel like a million years go by in that single second where I can't take my eyes off of her and I can't move on. I am shocked and saddened. I want to scoop her out of her chair and open her eyes up. I want to shake her so all those cliches of what a woman should be come pouring out of her, so that the ideas of this country will allow her to be more than a bride. "I want to be a bride"- that's not even being a wife or being a mother. That's not even specific on whose bride you'll be! Who cares, just as long as it's someone and people can look at me and think I look pretty. Then I'm reminded of that story that Mark told me: about a female student who turned thirty and was still unwed. She had to go to a local shrine and shamefully ring a bell on her birthday to pray for a husband. I look at her and wonder what kind of poison she's been suckled on and what kind of words have left her only dream as her wedding day. "Oh God," I think to myself. "What have they done to you?"

Last week when I left Kobato Kindy, Sato-San was there and stood up to address me as I entered the office with the usual, "Onegaishimasu" and "Otsukaresamadeshita."
"Emily-Sensei, you will return to your country soon?!"
"Yes, sir. I miss my family very much. I have had a wonderful time but I am ready to be close to them." The words come out like a script. You don't tell people that you can't stomach their culture; that the country of yes-men is not the place for someone who wants to think and be unique. You don't say those things out loud, especially not here.
"Oh I understand!" I let out a sigh. "I have daughter your age. I would not want her live in another country. I want her to marry with Japanese. I am sure your family is ready to see you return and marry an American."

This man has no idea that those words, the fact that he and everyone believes those words, are why I want to run as fast as I can. These are the ideas that make this country, with its reputation for safety, the most dangerous place I have every been. I attempt a smile and nod, making for the door. "Arigatou gozaimasu" I say as I bow my way out of the office to put on my shoes and make my way to the next school in a cold that seems warmer than the frigidity of those values.

And now I'm watching Akari receive her present and bow to me as she makes her way to the door. It's like watching a beautiful daffodil in the way of a lawn mower and you're too late to stop it. Instead you just stare and try to absorb as much beauty as you can before the thing gets mashed to bits and the spirit of it is forgotten forever.